Never insult a pregnant woman

Things You Should Never to Say to a Pregnant Woman:

“Are you having twins?”—Wow, it’s not bad enough that you feel huge during pregnancy, but having someone point it out to you, especially in a way that says, “God Lord, the Hindenburg was smaller than you,” is just mean. If someone is having twins and they want you to know about it, they’ll tell you. If they don’t mention it, they either aren’t having twins, or don’t like you. It’s not cute to poke fun at the weight of a pregnant woman. It’s bad enough there are hormones zipping around like crazy, non of your clothes fit and you have a small being trying desperately to kick it’s way out of your womb, you don’t need people pointing at you and laughing as if you are the newest circus freak.

“Are you sure?”—If you are dumb enough to ask the above question, when you are told politely, and with a strained smile which is holding back tears, that the pregnant woman is not, in fact, having twins, close your mouth! Do not ask this question. It’s a bit like hitting her upside the head after you’ve already kicked her in the shins. She’s fat, she gets it. You really don’t need to point it out again.

“Are you having triplets?”—See above comments, but I’d like to point out that this is a really mean thing to ask, especially if it’s her first pregnancy, she’s always been very self-conscious about her weight and she just lost 50 lbs. before getting pregnant.

Any sentence that begins, ends or has the following words in it, “I had the worse delivery…”—I’m not sure why other women do this, but it’s as if they are compelled to share their horror stories exclusively with first time mommies to be, right about the time they hit their eighth month. Pregnant women are already scared about giving birth. We’ve heard terrible things about mucus plugs, water breaking and pooping on the table, we don’t need to hear how little Jimmy came out purple and spent the first six weeks in the NICU. Or for that matter how your doctor showed up drunk, the epidural quit working five minutes into labor and you felt like your body was ripping in half or how the nurse didn’t sew you up quite right and you bled like a stuck pig for two months straight. These are rare cases of things going wrong. They don’t usually happen, and all you are doing is terrifying someone who is already terrified.

“Are you still pregnant?”—This one is a particularly sticky question and should be avoided at all costs. After all, if she still pregnant, she has a daily reminder with the internal gymnastics taking place in her uterus, and she doesn’t need you to point it out. Worse yet though, is if she isn’t, then, you either come off as the total ass who just made fun of a brand new mom who hasn’t quite lost all the pregnancy weight (and is still really hormonal) OR you have to back peddle with lightening speed about how it was dark, she was sitting, you are amazed because she looks so good and you couldn’t believe she could possibly be pregnant, etc. Either way, you’ve just made a poor woman who is probably feeling pretty ok about finally getting back in to some of her clothes feel like the Hindenburg from just a month or two ago.

There are a multitude of other things you shouldn’t say to a pregnant woman, such as, “Wow, you’ve gotten fat,” or “Your butt looks huge,” but the ones I mentioned are the ones that bothered me most while I was pregnant. Over the course of the last six months or so, I’ve heard each of these questions/comments, mostly from mothers, who have been pregnant recently enough that I thought they might have a bit of compassion and not remind me I was HUGE. It’s never a good idea to mention a female’s weight unless it is something akin to “Oh my gosh, you look amazing…have you lost weight?” Dante may not have directly mentioned it, but there is a special place in hell for people who are mean to pregnant women. It’s shared with Brutus and those who kick puppies. As far as I’m concerned, any of the above phrases entitles you to space there.

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