Last night I had a strange dream. It was Saturday and I was sitting on the couch with Richard flipping through the channels, looking for something on the TV. It was twenty ‘til two and nothing was on. I know this doesn’t sound strange at all, but rather mundane. I have a lot of these boring dreams where I’m just doing everyday things. Generally they are fairly pointless and not worth telling, but this one has a point, I promise, just stick with me another minute or two. As I was flipping past the gazillionth reality show rerun, I suddenly realized we’d missed K and S’s wedding. I jumped off of the couch and started running around screaming that we had to get ready. I hadn’t even gotten out of my pjs in my dream. When I passed the bathroom clock, I was relieved to see it was actually twenty ‘til one and if we hurried, we still wouldn’t be able to make it on time, but at least we could sneak in the back and make it look good. At that moment the baby started crying and my eyes snapped open.
You’re probably wondering where the point is. It’s not in the plot itself, but the fact I was panicked in my dream about missing my ex-husband’s wedding. I’m not sure quite what that says, although I’m sure some dream analyst would have a field day with it. Many of my friends would as well.
Outside my closest circle of friends, nobody else really seems to understand why I am going to the wedding. I’ve actually completely avoided telling my in-laws (who are also coming in to town tomorrow) whose wedding we are going to because I don’t want to deal with the raised eyebrows, questioning looks or actual questions they will no doubt assault me with. It’s not that my in-laws are bad people, they just don’t understand how close our little group is. Neither do my parents, although seeing as how they actually know and like K, they don’t bat an eye at me going to his wedding*. It seems to me that people of my parent’s generation just don’t have the kind of friends I have. They have friends, but not the kind they could go out for coffee with every day and never run out of things to say to. Or the kind who they’d drive an hour to visit every weekend, even if it meant sleeping on someone’s floor.
At first I thought it was part of a generation gap, but as I look around at my other friends, I notice they also don’t seem to understand the unique dynamic of our little group. When I mentioned that I was helping to throw S’s bridal shower, a couple of my school friends wanted to know how I could do it. The concept of being friends with someone they’d dated, let alone been married to, was foreign enough, but the idea of befriending his girlfriend seemed to be along the same lines as finding out aliens actually do exist. Aside from the first six months after we split up, I’ve never even thought twice about being friends with K. Even in those six months, I didn’t see him more because I thought we both needed some space and some time to figure out our lives. A lot of people don’t understand this. They also don’t seem to have the same kind of friendship.
Looking in from the outside, I guess our group does seem a little odd. Before S was part of it, she used to call us “the friends.” We are very tight knit and it’s not that we are exclusionary, it’s just that we’ve become so close, we are more like family. The core group of us all met in college and came from similar backgrounds. We were all searching for something, for my part I think it was a sense of family, and we found it in each other. I don’t think there is anything that strange about it. I think more people need friends like mine. Then again, I guess for those on the fringes (like our significant others used to be), getting into the group probably seemed a little bit daunting. We’ve known each other since we were 18. We’ve grown up together. Even through the squabbles and break ups, we’ve always supported each other. They are among the few people I truly love. Which, is why I’m not only going to C and S’s wedding, but I’m really happy to be going. They are an awesome couple and so much better for each other than C and I ever were. Just as I know my husband and I are better suited for each other.
Still, it’s easier to just say I’m going to a friend’s wedding, because I don’t think anyone else really understands.
*C and S not only came to my wedding, but my dad actually foisted the video camera off on S and had her tape our wedding.