I am not by nature a hostile driver. Sure, I get frustrated when people are absolute idiots on the roadways, but I’m not one to flip people off or honk my horn. If I get angry enough to do anything more than silently seethe, it generally involves me yelling at the moronic driver within the confines of my own car where they cannot hear me. Swearing is sometimes involved, although since I’ve had my son, there is less and less of that. Usually I’m on the road so early in the morning and fairly early in the afternoon, so I don’t see nearly as many jackasses as I used to.
Today I not only flipped someone off, but I also honked my horn. Not over the same incident, but at the same slack jawed yokel. Ok, so I don’t know he was a yokel per say, but he was driving a crappy little car and nearly caused an accident with me twice.
For starters, Captain Nincompoop was following me way too closely through a school zone. Silly me, during the posted school hours, I actually slow my car down to 25 mph, despite the fact that I know there are no kids leaving the elementary school at 5 pm. I couldn’t see his headlights in my rearview mirror because he was so close to my bumper. This alone did not cause my middle finger to rise. It was the second I passed the school building, well before the school zone ended, but when I was slowly easing back up to 40 mph so as to avoid getting pulled over by the cop who usually stakes out the zone, that he dashed around me, despite a total lack of an aidditional southbound lane and then careened back in front of me seconds before he hit oncoming traffic. Which, of course, forced me to slam on my breaks. Luckily I was only doing 30, but it was a no passing school zone and for once the cop wasn’t sitting there just waiting to hand out a ticket. My finger shot straight up and even though it was encased in a fuzzy pink glove, I thought he’d felt my wrath.
Oh, I was wrong.
Despite his need for speed and his jag into oncoming traffic, thanks to a cop just a little farther down the road who was setting the pace, instead of getting very far ahead of me, he ended up right back in front of me, going slower than I normally do. Not wanting to get stuck behind the officer who was only doing three miles over the speed limit, the imbecile decides he needs to turn his car down a side road. This seems like a winning situation for me, right? I mean he’s out of my hair.
It would be great except that the dunderhead didn’t bother to put a turn signal on. I could tell it was a last minute decision because he also didn’t bother to slow down until the second before he turned. At which point he slammed on his breaks, once again causing me to slam on mine. Actually he set off a chain reaction of break slamming about five cars deep. I realized my mere bird had not been enough, so I honked my horn loudly and for quite a few seconds.
My mild-mannered calm had been broken.
Thankfully he was gone and everyone else on the road seemed to be of at least average intelligence and without a death wish. Other than my engine’s new trick of reving really high for no apparent reason, the rest of my ride was uneventful and even a bit relaxing.