A sleep conspiracy

I think my husband may be drugging our son. Not in a call Child Protective Services sort of actually drugging my son sort of way, but in a they are somehow conspiring to drive me crazy kind of way.

See, during the school year, I get up every morning with my son except Saturdays. This makes sense since I’m the one who takes him to the sitter’s (it’s closest to my work) and I have to get up way earlier than my husband–I get up at 5:30 am and he gets up around 8:15. Saturdays are my day to sleep in and even though he gets to sleep in every work day in my eyes, we’ve agreed that he gets to sleep in to a time he feels is leisurely on Sunday (usually close to 11). And while I hate getting up at 5:30, I know I have to, so this works for us.

This summer though, it’s a whole different story. I realize my husband still has to go to work each day I am off, but I figure since I get up way early 9.5 months out of the year and I spend my “days off” chasing the baby around, he has to get up with him a few more mornings each week. To his credit, he has not complained about our new arrangement. Mostly because his sleeping patterns don’t actually appear to be changing.

See, on my mornings to get up with the baby, he wakes up between 6 and 7. He’ll lay in his crib and “talk” for awhile and then after 20 minutes or so, the “I want up” cries start. On rare ocassions his 6 am wake is a fake out and he rolls back over and goes to sleep, it’s only until 7:30 or so. The problem is that once he’s woken up and I’ve gotten 4-6 hours of straight sleep, I have a hard time going back to sleep. In the last week, on my mornings to get up with him, the latest he’s slept in is 7:30. And on my days to sleep in, he’s been waking up between 2:30-4am and crying out just long enough to wake me up (and keep me there for awhile), but not long enough that I have to go in and see what’s up.

My husband, on the other hand, has yet to get up before his alarm goes off at 8:15. In fact yesterday when it was his morning to get up early, my son didn’t wake until 8:45. Sure, I got to stay in bed until 8:45, but that’s not the point. The point is that somehow my son seems to know when it’s my morning to roll out of bed early, and makes me do so.

I’m not sure how my husband has managed this, but I know there is something devious at work here.

Last night as I was drifting off, I decided my husband was getting up with the baby this morning if he woke before the alarm. I was tired of it. After all, fair is fair. If I have to get up early, so should he. I went to bed very satisfied and happy I was going to get that sweet 45 minutes of extra sleep. Then I woke to the sound of my husband vomitting out the entire contents of his stomach. Thankfully he’d made it to the bathroom, but it sounded unpleasant. I hate to admit it, but my first thought was, “damn it, I’m getting up with the baby.” My second thought was for my husband’s well-being so I called out to check on him.*

After some discussion, a wet cloth for his head, and some really freaky breathing (fairly standard), he started to drift off. Then he started to snore. And not the soft snoring he sometimes does that annoys me but I can sleep through. Loud, wall shaking snoring. I couldn’t do my usual forceful nudge because he was sick. I knew I was doomed. At four a.m., all I could do was hope he would roll over so I might get some sleep. A short while later I sweetly nudged him to say I was going to the guest room. In response he rolled on his side and his snoring stopped. It was 4:30 and I was thrilled. I rolled over and closed my eyes.

At that exact moment, my son started crying. Not the slightly frustrated cry that lasts for a second until he rolls over and goes back to sleep. No, this was an ear splitting wail that lasted for several minutes. Long enough to shatter not only my new found silence, but also any chance of sleep. About five minutes later he quieted down, but it was too late. The damage had been done. I laid in bed. And I laid there some more.

I continued to lay there until around 5:00 am when I think I must have drifted off. At 7:25, my son woke me up again. This time I knew there would be no more sleep. He talked for awhile, but even with the monitor off, I could hear all of his gibberish. I laid in bed for a few more minutes before giving up and getting him up. My husband slept blissfully through his alarm.

I’m not sure what is going on, but I am determined to put a stop to it. Somehow I will break their little code and get a real, full night of sleep. I think my system of getting up every other day is going to have to go out the window. Instead, we’ll have to switch to who got up with him pre-alarm last. It’ll be a bit of a pain and I know there will be grumbling. There will no doubt be oen of us** who forgets who got up last and tries to argue it. Still, I won’t give in. I will break this wretched system they have going. I will sleep in until 8:15!

*I knew what was wrong with him. My husband only gets violently ill like this when he gets a migraine. There is pretty much nothing I can do, so I wasn’t really being as callous as I sound. When he did stumble back to bed, I fretted over him and even got him a cold washclothe for his head.

**It won’t be me.

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Filed under bad days, married life, motherhood, my son, pet peeves, ramblings, what makes me me

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