I broke a young girl’s heart tonight. Not on purpose, but it was unavoidable and I knew it. And I’ve known it for quite awhile too.
I absolutely hate giving bad news to people. Especially when they are people I generally like. But every year, I inevitably have to hurt someone and although I know what I’m doing is for the best, it always puts me in a funk.
When I used to direct plays, the day the cast lists went up were always the WORST days of the year. Since the kids knew I posted the castlist the day after auditions, no matter how early I made it to school, there was always at least one kid who beat me there, eagerly waiting by my office door. And often it was a kid who I knew was not going to like the choices I’d made. Sometimes they were even really good actors, but they just weren’t right for the part.
And that’s what happened this time too. I announced editorships for next year’s newspaper. I had two girls vying for editor-in-chief. Both were strong candidates. I knew they both wanted it. I also knew that one had been almost making herself sick in anticipation. She told me about nightmares where she didn’t get a position at all. For the last month, I’ve heard almost daily how nervous she was about my impending announcements.
I couldn’t give the position to her though. She just doesn’t quite fit. In fact, she fits perfectly for the #2 spot. I don’t think she even realizes just how great she’d be as #2. I just hope that she can get past her hurt and disappointment and make next year amazing. I think we could have the most amazing paper ever with her as #2.
And while the prospect of the best paper with the least amount of work on my part next year thrills me, right now the fact that she’s upset, kind of breaks my heart too.