Warning: explicit pregnancy content

I feel I have to give a little warning here. I know several of my regular readers are dear friends with no intentions of having kids and who are easily freaked out by the term “nesting,” so I figured I should start with a warning. If you decide to read on, you do so at the risk of being just a little (or a lot)  grossed out.

For anyone who has never had kids or hasn’t read up on the subject, pregnancy is a really gross experience. All sorts of icky things can (and often do) happen. Many a movie has shown red-faced women huffing, puffing, cursing and threatening everyone around them out of sheer pain. The image of women walking down hallways with “water” pooling at their feet after their water broke, freaked me out more than once.

Before I had my son, I read horrifying accounts of things like mucus plugs, bloody shows and excrement expelled on the delivery table. Luckily, I knew I was going to have a C-section and would be able to skip all these delivery table nightmares. I also managed to make it through without experiencing a single contraction, which was a bonus.

This time around though, I’ve had a bit of a bumpier ride. It started with some hellacious morning sickness (which I did not have at all with my son). I’ve been exhausted just about every day (due, I think to the nearly three year old I’m chasing around daily). I’ve had headaches at least once a week (once for a stretch of two weeks straight). While this baby does not seem to have the hiccup issue my son did, she will be one heck of a kick boxer one of these days.

In addition, I’ve had a rather unique experience this time around. In the last week or so, I’ve started worrying I might have to start shopping for Depends. See, as I was driving to work, I swear it felt like a little foot (or maybe hand) was about to kick right through my uterus and exit my body through my, well, to be quite honest, my vagina. On the way out, however, the little booger was bound to also make me lose my bladder control. I had never had this experience before, and was quite sure something was horribly wrong.

After I dropped my son off at the sitter’s, I immediately called one of my friends who has had a child far more recently than I. Luckily we have one of those relationships where I can be blunt and ask if I should be frantically calling my OB because a little fist is about to bust out of my body and make me wet myself. When she finished giggling, she assured me that it was fairly normal, and that when she was pregnant she actually did have the same issues when she sneezed or coughed, and on more than one ocassion had lost it.

Of course, she continued to laugh at me all day. Not that I blame her. It’s not exactly the kind of question you expect to get at 7:15 on your morning commute. She was, however, fairly tactful and helpful.

Being the worrywart that I am, I still had to double check with my OB at my appointment later that day to make sure it was “normal.” He assured me that it was and even told me there was a good chance I might have trouble when I “pooped.” This was particularly amusing to me since he lowered his voice to almost a whisper when he said the “p” word. Here is a man who spends a good portion of his days looking up women’s who-has and yet he whispers the word “poop.” Ya gotta love the small nicities that still exist in society.

As a result, I had to go to the pharmacy and grab some panty liners. This to me, was fairly upsetting. Aside from the actual baby, one of the few “pluses” of pregnancy should be that you don’t have to buy any sort of feminine hygiene prodcuts, and yet, here I am, 32 weeks in, and buying some. It’s just not fair.

I know this might be a bit too much info, especially for those of you who are used to my chocolate Mondays, but I’m trying like heck to avoid doing real work and this is on my mind (and bladder) every day lately.

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1 Comment

Filed under bad days, motherhood, my son, ramblings, what makes me me

One response to “Warning: explicit pregnancy content

  1. I am currently 35 weeks pregnant and know how you feel. You post made me giggle a bit as I have experienced many similar things about pregnancy and that fact that it is very messy. I wish you all the best with the remainder of your pregnancy :o)

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